26 Things I Learned from 'Game of Thrones' Episode 1

--If you like a woman, fuck her from behind. Whores are for missionary and cowgirl.

--It doesn't matter what kinky shit you're into. The royal family has you beat.

--It doesn't matter what you saw. If you desert your post, your head is forfeit.

--If your mom tells you not to climb something, DON'T CLIMB IT.

--It is acceptable to call the King fat, so long as he calls you fat first.

--All dwarves are bastards in their fathers eyes.

--Yes, you can have a dog. Provided you walk it, clean up after it, train it, and bury it if it dies.

--If the King asks you to go somewhere, you fucking go. If the Prince asks you how old you are, run for your fucking life.

--There is no Dothrakian phrase for "Thank You."

--If less than three people die at a Drogo wedding, it is considered a boring affair.

--Having 40,000 sexual partners is acceptable, provided it wins your brother his throne back.

--If the dead people are not where you left them, do not go looking for them.

--The penalty for interrupting public sex is half your entrails.

--He who passes the sentence must also carry it out.

--Once the man next to you has begun fucking a whore from behind, it is common courtesy to allow him to finish before taking your turn. If you interrupt him, no one may re-enter the whore until one of you is dead.

--Let me give you some advice, bastard: Never forget who you are. Wear it like armor. And it can never be used to hurt you.

--If you live in a castle, and you hear two people having sex..... ignore it.

--If you are not sure about the quality of your breasts, your brother will give you his honest opinion.

--If you're 10 and learning to be a man, don't do it anywhere near your tomboy older sister. Also, relax your arm and don't over-think it.

--In the absence of black people, the man in the darkest cloak dies first.

--If you are female and under 18, you are either good at sports, or a vacuous shallow whore. There is no in between.

--Everyone manning the Wall is a red-shirt Ensign. Jon Snow is the only exception.

--If you are walking in the forest and the man you're facing suddenly looks at you in a frightened manner, do not look at him questioningly. Drop to the ground immediately and question it later.

--The carriage is for the prince and princess. Kings ride a fucking horse.

--Fossilized dragon eggs are still pretty.

And finally,

--If you are a European actor, you will grow up to do quality work like this. If you are an American actor, you will be cast as an extra in "Transformers 3."