1) I haven't written since before "The Hunger Games," but after nearly a year in release there's nothing more to be said. It was surprisingly adequate for a director with only three movies under his belt. Lenny Kravitz was wasted (as in, he should've been given more to do). The director did not trust his own camera work, and would frequently cut away from something really interesting... the finale made it look like the entire games took place in a holodeck, and sending the contestants all together in the same shuttle, only to enter the field from different rooms, makes absolutely no sense. RE: THE BOOK. IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T FIX IT. (though the twitter controversey was worth a headshake or two).
2) Let's just jump right to it: JJ Abrams directing Episode VII. That means the same man controls both Star Trek and Star Wars. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. This is not okay. As geeks we should rail against it. As "not geeks" we should not give a single FUCK, because the only non-SW or ST things JJ has directed are (1) Mission Impossible 3, (2) Super 8, and (3) Lost. Two of the three were total shit. Discuss amongst yourselves.
It'll be adequate, depending on the screenplay. Except for the fact that they have no story other than the one written by Timothy Zahn. (Heir to the Empire). Were any of us really clamoring for a sequel to "Return of the Jedi?" No. No, sir, we were not.
3) The Dark Knight Rises. From a non-geek perspective, it was quality entertainment with some grand characters and the style we've come to know from Christopher Nolan. From a Geek perspective, it was disappointing and a kick in the teeth. Look:
The ending of "The Dark Knight" raised many a possibility. Now he's not a mysterious crimefighter-- he's a vigilante, on the the run from the cops. This will make his job harder, this will truly test him. Four years later (and ten years later, in the context of the movie), we find out that... Bruce Wayne handled it by.... DOING NOTHING. This is the worst possible option. I recognize that Nolan probably didn't want to direct any more of these, if indeed he even wanted to do the third. But while the movie was fine, the premise was a cop-out. And Bane's death was incredibly, incredibly anti-climactic. Also Batman died. I don't care what Alfred saw in the restaurant-- it was the same restaurant from earlier in the movie, and there's no way he walked into it on accident. It was a fantasy sequence, and in making it real Nolan is essentially saying, "That's the whole story. Riddler? Penguin? Superman? None of that shit happened. He fought Joker, Bane, then he died." No, fuck you, he didn't. Read a comic book.
4) "The Justice League." ... There are two kinds of superhero movies. "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer," and "Batman Begins." The fact that anyone even uttered the words 'Ben Affleck' should answer you pretty fucking well which category this will be in.
5) The Man of Steel. I don't care how good the trailer is, it was directed by Zack Snyder. And while I will forever be wowed by his visuals in "Dawn of the Dead," he has become so lazy since then, his every movie has been underwhelming and embarrassing. And before you mention "300," go back and watch it again. Take a drink every time you hear Gerard Butler slip back into his Scottish accent. If you finish the movie sober, I will give you $1,000,000 dollars. And no, you can't cheat by muting the entire film. I tried that once, and I passed out from masturbating.
6) The Avengers. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
7) DAT. EVIL DEAD. TRAILER.
8) The Amazing Spider-Man: Andrew Garfield has no screen presence, and Marc Webb is a music video director who got lucky. I feel about it like I felt about "Batman and Robin" ... yes, there are people who will like it. These people never read a comic book. History is on my side here, people.
BUT THEN AGAIN, WE ARE LIVING IN A WORLD WHERE THE SAME MAN CONTROLS BOTH STAR WARS AND STAR TREK.
The state of being a geek is........... bad. Even with that White House response to the Death Star petition. Let's one of us make a billion dollars and buy back the rights to something, eh?
.... oh, and I know there's no trailer for the second Wolverine movie, but do we really want to live in a world where THAT gets a sequel, and "John Dies at the End" isn't even playing in theaters? C'MONNNNNNNNNNNNNN.......
*Warning, this blog makes references that not even Google may know, you have to be a GEEEEEEK
