So I slapped something together that met the journalism format. I hope someone finds this at least a little amusing.
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Witnesses at a local GameStop were shocked and horrified to be trampled in a near riot Tuesday, when apparently an influx of video game enthusiasts stormed the door just past 1 a.m., as the manager was about to close the doors.
"It was the worst stampede I ever seen,” said Mary Wilson, 29, of Issaquah. “I was just up here to get a copy of Halo Reach for my 8-year-old son, and all of a sudden there were all these dudes running up toward the store like they was being chased. Except they weren’t being chased.”
Witnesses at the scene were few, but those in attendance did use a variety of words to describe their predicament, in the range of “horrifying” and “pants-tightening.”
"There were three or four video games that came out that night, and of course we always stay open until after midnight on release days,” said local GameStop Manager Keith Adamthwaite.
But this particular evening, Adamthwaite saw something he says he’s never seen in 20 years in the business.
“They ran up just after one o’clock,” said Adamthwaite. “There must’ve been 40 or 50 of them… I thought maybe there was a fire or something had exploded, and they were running to use our phone or something.
“But as it turns out, they had just been in an hour before, and were all there to return copies of a really horrible game.”
There was no damage to the property, said Adamthwaite, but he also said he hadn’t stopped looking, and that he had “received reports on the B-button on the Xbox demo,” which he was currently investigating.
“I couldn’t tell you what game it was… this might get back to the developers,” said Adamthwaite. “And I have a business to run.”
Adamthwaite would only say the game was NOT Halo Reach, which has been released two weeks prior.
“I mean, sure, everyone LOVED that game,” said GameStop employee Susan B. Anthony, 19, of West Seattle. “But the summer is dying down and I guess people wanted something to play on the side, but this game… I mean, I HEARD, since I don’t really play games, but THIS game was apparently really bad.”
By 1:45 a.m., the entire crowd had dispersed, some with store credit and some with cash on hand.
“It was the single most horrifying night of my life,” said Adamthwaite. “They were a diverse bunch, don’t get me wrong… tall, short, skinny, fat, pasty, tan, even a couple parents with their kids… but when I saw the look of rabid hunger in their eyes… I felt genuine fear for my safety.”
None of the other customers could be reached for comment, but shortly before presstime, the Gazette did receive one anonymous email.
“It’s his own fault for selling crappy games,” the email read, in part. “He had a poster of this thing on the wall for a month, like somehow it was on par with Halo Reach in terms of interactivity, production design, budget, story, and really cool explosions."
“It was all a lie. I feel violated.”
Adamthwaite had no comment. Representatives of Microsoft were contacted, but all they could do was point and laugh.
