I'm a big fan of homoerotic tension.
I know that's an unusual, perhaps even controversial, stance to take, but I'm sticking with it. When I was tricked by advertising and hype into seeing the very bad film "Eragon" a few years ago, one of the only things I took away from it were that the teen male hero, and his male competition for the female, had more sexual tension than between either of them and the female. THAT'S GREAT FILMMAKING. Accidental filmmaking, yes, but hot n' sexy nonetheless. Not sexy? Everything else about that movie.
So despite the obvious pretty-boy ridiculousness of the lead in "Prince Caspian" when that came out, I was in on the action because dammit, I'd only ever read "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe," and I wanted to see what happened next. The result was pretty nifty, I must say, with great battle sequences and a fuckin' CASTLE SIEGE. I mean, c'mon people. I know there were mice and dogs and foxes and centaurs involved, but it was a freakin' CASTLE SIEGE. That shit is awesome. It's not "Braveheart," but regardless of the reality of the characters involved, a castle is attacked, there are gigantic battle sequences, and then a duel between the King of All Narnia, and some upstart British teenager who's been training in the woods for an hour with Peter Dinklage. Great movie. Four stars on Netflix. Would watch again.
GEEK
The first two live-action Narnia movies were directed by Andrew Adamson, who previously directed the original "Shrek." I liked Shrek, and despite the complaints of some about too many pop-culture references, it had plenty of other jokes that landed, as well as some non-comedic moments that came together really well, too. And the message about "inner beauty" was an important one, which of course was squandered in all of the sequels in favor of lame poop jokes. Point Adamson, Negative Points for Shrek.
My point being is that Andrew Adamson is a competent director, and made a good enough live-action adaptation of "LW&W" that it made lots of money, and lots of people liked it. Hopefully you're one, too. If not, well, maybe fantasy just isn't your thing. That doesn't make it a bad movie.
"LW&W" was released at Christmas time that year, so when it came time for Prince Caspian, the studio thought, "These kinds of family movies do really well at Christmas. Should we release Prince Caspian at Christmas, too? ... NAHHHHH, let's dump it during the summer, because clearly "The Water Horse" is going to be a huge hit and make a billion dollars and we don't want to put all our eggs in one basket."
I did not see "The Water Horse."
NOBODY saw "The Water Horse."
Speaking of awful decisions, the studio then opted to replace Adamson for "Voyage of the Dawn Treader" with Michael Apted, who has not had a hit since 1999, with a movie called "Tomorrow Never Dies," arguably the worst of the Brosnan-Bond movies. Maybe you liked it, I dunno, but it sure as shit was no "Goldeneye." Apted is also roughly 153 years old (no, seriously, he's 69, and in no condition to be making a kids movie. The closest he's ever come to a kids movie is "Enough" starring Jennifer Lopez, which I guess also doubles as the closest he's ever come to directing fantasy. That's not a dig at women's rights, just a dig at Jennifer Lopez).
My point is that "Dawn Treader" is going to suck and I'm mad about it.
The first two films were able to mine the adventure from the story while leaving the supposed religious shenanigans in the background, if you chose to ignore them. Sure there was Aslan was supposed to be Jesus and blah blah blah, but they weren't all in your face about it. CASTLE SIEGE. Eddie Izzard. TILDA SWINTON HOTNESS. These are important movie-going experiences.
Dawn Treader? Confirmed for mediocre also-ran. It's the "Star Trek V" of this cycle, and it won't make any money, because even if Tron blows (and it might), Tron is going to make Phantom-Menace money, while Dawn Treader makes "Howard the Duck" money.
Nice one, studio.
NOT GEEK
Wardrobe was awesome. Caspian was awesome. Fuck the haters.
........Though Apted does suck a dick.
And was that the White Witch in the trailer? WHAT THE F--
Etc.
