1) I haven't written since before "The Hunger Games," but after nearly a year in release there's nothing more to be said. It was surprisingly adequate for a director with only three movies under his belt. Lenny Kravitz was wasted (as in, he should've been given more to do). The director did not trust his own camera work, and would frequently cut away from something really interesting... the finale made it look like the entire games took place in a holodeck, and sending the contestants all together in the same shuttle, only to enter the field from different rooms, makes absolutely no sense. RE: THE BOOK. IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T FIX IT. (though the twitter controversey was worth a headshake or two).
2) Let's just jump right to it: JJ Abrams directing Episode VII. That means the same man controls both Star Trek and Star Wars. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. This is not okay. As geeks we should rail against it. As "not geeks" we should not give a single FUCK, because the only non-SW or ST things JJ has directed are (1) Mission Impossible 3, (2) Super 8, and (3) Lost. Two of the three were total shit. Discuss amongst yourselves.
It'll be adequate, depending on the screenplay. Except for the fact that they have no story other than the one written by Timothy Zahn. (Heir to the Empire). Were any of us really clamoring for a sequel to "Return of the Jedi?" No. No, sir, we were not.
3) The Dark Knight Rises. From a non-geek perspective, it was quality entertainment with some grand characters and the style we've come to know from Christopher Nolan. From a Geek perspective, it was disappointing and a kick in the teeth. Look:
The ending of "The Dark Knight" raised many a possibility. Now he's not a mysterious crimefighter-- he's a vigilante, on the the run from the cops. This will make his job harder, this will truly test him. Four years later (and ten years later, in the context of the movie), we find out that... Bruce Wayne handled it by.... DOING NOTHING. This is the worst possible option. I recognize that Nolan probably didn't want to direct any more of these, if indeed he even wanted to do the third. But while the movie was fine, the premise was a cop-out. And Bane's death was incredibly, incredibly anti-climactic. Also Batman died. I don't care what Alfred saw in the restaurant-- it was the same restaurant from earlier in the movie, and there's no way he walked into it on accident. It was a fantasy sequence, and in making it real Nolan is essentially saying, "That's the whole story. Riddler? Penguin? Superman? None of that shit happened. He fought Joker, Bane, then he died." No, fuck you, he didn't. Read a comic book.
4) "The Justice League." ... There are two kinds of superhero movies. "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer," and "Batman Begins." The fact that anyone even uttered the words 'Ben Affleck' should answer you pretty fucking well which category this will be in.
5) The Man of Steel. I don't care how good the trailer is, it was directed by Zack Snyder. And while I will forever be wowed by his visuals in "Dawn of the Dead," he has become so lazy since then, his every movie has been underwhelming and embarrassing. And before you mention "300," go back and watch it again. Take a drink every time you hear Gerard Butler slip back into his Scottish accent. If you finish the movie sober, I will give you $1,000,000 dollars. And no, you can't cheat by muting the entire film. I tried that once, and I passed out from masturbating.
6) The Avengers. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
7) DAT. EVIL DEAD. TRAILER.
8) The Amazing Spider-Man: Andrew Garfield has no screen presence, and Marc Webb is a music video director who got lucky. I feel about it like I felt about "Batman and Robin" ... yes, there are people who will like it. These people never read a comic book. History is on my side here, people.
BUT THEN AGAIN, WE ARE LIVING IN A WORLD WHERE THE SAME MAN CONTROLS BOTH STAR WARS AND STAR TREK.
The state of being a geek is........... bad. Even with that White House response to the Death Star petition. Let's one of us make a billion dollars and buy back the rights to something, eh?
.... oh, and I know there's no trailer for the second Wolverine movie, but do we really want to live in a world where THAT gets a sequel, and "John Dies at the End" isn't even playing in theaters? C'MONNNNNNNNNNNNNN.......
*Warning, this blog makes references that not even Google may know, you have to be a GEEEEEEK
Showing posts with label action. Show all posts
Showing posts with label action. Show all posts
Friday, January 25, 2013
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Furiouser and Furiouser
#ff - Go read the blog known only as SHAN! SHAN! SHAN! I have been totally one-upped this week by one of my friends getting to a Kurosawa movie before me, and I take full responsibility. I have no excuse other than I am a fat, lazy American.
(who's the sex machine that gets all the chicks? SHAN! then I can dig it).
I've seen a handful of Kurosawa movies, the best of which was "Rashomon" which I recommend to everybody. It's a familiar concept (one story told from four perspectives) and while in 2011 you might think it's played out.... KUROSAWA INVENTED IT. I've only ever had, like, three movies that put my jaw on the floor, and this was one of them.
So as long as we're talking about cinematic masterpieces that will span generations and have redefined all cinema that would follow it...........
FAST AND FURIOUS
(2009, dir. Justin Lin)
NOT GEEK
I saw the first one when it came out, because as hard as you may find it to believe, there was a time when Vin Diesel was not a punchline. To his credit, he's managed to ride that one-note concept for near-on a decade now, without slipping into self-parody (sup, Chuck Norris. sup, Ben Affleck. Sup, Kevin Costner. Sup, Russell Crowe).
No interest in the second two (part 2: Paul Walker sucks. part 3: Lucas Black sucks more), but the fourth one got good reviews and Netflix essentially makes them free, so I figured, what the hell.
The opening action sequence is not only exciting, it makes sense and is not ruined by ShakyCam. The last two seconds of it are enough to either chase you out of the room, or make you reach for the popcorn. If you like popcorn, read on...
It's a five-act structure, and the cast of characters are all given their moments, even characters who haven't been around since the first movie. The acting is good (except for Paul Walker). I'm not claiming Vin Diesel is a great actor, but in this movie he plays only to his strengths, meaning he (a) doesn't say much, and (b) constantly looks ready to do violence. It works for him. Meanwhile, Paul Walker in a suit looks like a penguin in a sarong.
In a bad action movie, shit happens for no reason, we don't care about the characters enough to remember their names, the explosions take place for no other reason than because nothing has blown up in a while, and there is One Good Guy, and One Bad Guy. Here, suddenly, none of that is true. It's an 8/10 easily, unless you just hate Vin Diesel on general principal, in which case there's always The Rock.
GEEK
Fuck.
Putting aside the fact, for a moment, that Justin Lin directed the third movie, let us also remember that he directed three episodes of "Community," including the 'Modern Warfare' episode. It was because of that and that alone I saw "Fast and Furious." The man knows his shit. He has one indie hit ("Better Luck Tomorrow") and two shitty studio movies where I'm sure he had little creative control, but then with this and the television, here he emerges, capable of doing talking scenes and action scenes with equal flair.
The movie was written by Chris Morgan, who wrote the third movie, sure, but also wrote "Wanted." Over the top, I know, but other than that bullshit about the Loom, everything was just fun ridiculousness.
Even from a geek standpoint, this film has no right to be good, but it is. The action is satisfying, the dialogue isn't retarded, the film is purdy to look at.
My lone complaint (other than Paul "I'd Much Rather Be Smoking Weed on a Beach" Walker): It's PG-13.
Ordinarily I don't care WHAT the rating is, but this is one of several movies in the last few years where the rating felt like a lie.
There's a sequence in the first third of the movie, where both O'Connor (Walker) and Torretto (Diesel) have to "Try out" for a drug runner, given a GPS map and a finish line and told the first person across that line gets the job. Four contestants start the race.
And the race starts off, and it's exciting and you are shown that each of the four is competent, and why they are worthy of being considered. And then I remember thinking, "This shit is so fucking dangerous. This only makes sense if at least one of these guys dies, to show the audience that shit is serious."
Then one of the cars is T-boned by a minivan.
I say "cars" because that's what happens. We see the driver look surprised, then we see one car hit another car, then the scene cuts back to the race. The accident is never shown or talked about again.
This is ridiculous. If you're showing an illegal race IN TRAFFIC, and one of your racers crashes, if you don't show his broken, bleeding body hanging out the window, then you are being dishonest, and you're cheating the audience. You are editing out Life so you can get a PG-13 rating, and thus (so they say) sell more tickets, all of them to males ages 13-17. Who now see illegal street racing without consequences.
I'm not trying to be conservative about this, I'm just saying that I'm a fucking adult, and if cars are going to speed at 80 miles an hour through busy LA streets, and if there's a crash, I want severed limbs and fireballs. I don't want a dented fender and a quick cutaway just because the producers want to sell tickets to a kid who was three years old when the first movie came out.
Some of the CG is questionable, this movie needed more nekkid women in it. I was entertained enough that I did not feel the need to shout out at the television. The story kept moving, there was more than just One Good Guy and One Bad Guy. I can recommend this. Even the ending left it open to another movie...
.... another movie that comes out next month.
With the Rock.
Vin Diesel vs. The Rock.
Fuck you, Hollywood.
Take my money.
(who's the sex machine that gets all the chicks? SHAN! then I can dig it).
I've seen a handful of Kurosawa movies, the best of which was "Rashomon" which I recommend to everybody. It's a familiar concept (one story told from four perspectives) and while in 2011 you might think it's played out.... KUROSAWA INVENTED IT. I've only ever had, like, three movies that put my jaw on the floor, and this was one of them.
So as long as we're talking about cinematic masterpieces that will span generations and have redefined all cinema that would follow it...........
FAST AND FURIOUS
(2009, dir. Justin Lin)
NOT GEEK
I saw the first one when it came out, because as hard as you may find it to believe, there was a time when Vin Diesel was not a punchline. To his credit, he's managed to ride that one-note concept for near-on a decade now, without slipping into self-parody (sup, Chuck Norris. sup, Ben Affleck. Sup, Kevin Costner. Sup, Russell Crowe).
No interest in the second two (part 2: Paul Walker sucks. part 3: Lucas Black sucks more), but the fourth one got good reviews and Netflix essentially makes them free, so I figured, what the hell.
The opening action sequence is not only exciting, it makes sense and is not ruined by ShakyCam. The last two seconds of it are enough to either chase you out of the room, or make you reach for the popcorn. If you like popcorn, read on...
It's a five-act structure, and the cast of characters are all given their moments, even characters who haven't been around since the first movie. The acting is good (except for Paul Walker). I'm not claiming Vin Diesel is a great actor, but in this movie he plays only to his strengths, meaning he (a) doesn't say much, and (b) constantly looks ready to do violence. It works for him. Meanwhile, Paul Walker in a suit looks like a penguin in a sarong.
In a bad action movie, shit happens for no reason, we don't care about the characters enough to remember their names, the explosions take place for no other reason than because nothing has blown up in a while, and there is One Good Guy, and One Bad Guy. Here, suddenly, none of that is true. It's an 8/10 easily, unless you just hate Vin Diesel on general principal, in which case there's always The Rock.
GEEK
Fuck.
Putting aside the fact, for a moment, that Justin Lin directed the third movie, let us also remember that he directed three episodes of "Community," including the 'Modern Warfare' episode. It was because of that and that alone I saw "Fast and Furious." The man knows his shit. He has one indie hit ("Better Luck Tomorrow") and two shitty studio movies where I'm sure he had little creative control, but then with this and the television, here he emerges, capable of doing talking scenes and action scenes with equal flair.
The movie was written by Chris Morgan, who wrote the third movie, sure, but also wrote "Wanted." Over the top, I know, but other than that bullshit about the Loom, everything was just fun ridiculousness.
Even from a geek standpoint, this film has no right to be good, but it is. The action is satisfying, the dialogue isn't retarded, the film is purdy to look at.
My lone complaint (other than Paul "I'd Much Rather Be Smoking Weed on a Beach" Walker): It's PG-13.
Ordinarily I don't care WHAT the rating is, but this is one of several movies in the last few years where the rating felt like a lie.
There's a sequence in the first third of the movie, where both O'Connor (Walker) and Torretto (Diesel) have to "Try out" for a drug runner, given a GPS map and a finish line and told the first person across that line gets the job. Four contestants start the race.
And the race starts off, and it's exciting and you are shown that each of the four is competent, and why they are worthy of being considered. And then I remember thinking, "This shit is so fucking dangerous. This only makes sense if at least one of these guys dies, to show the audience that shit is serious."
Then one of the cars is T-boned by a minivan.
I say "cars" because that's what happens. We see the driver look surprised, then we see one car hit another car, then the scene cuts back to the race. The accident is never shown or talked about again.
This is ridiculous. If you're showing an illegal race IN TRAFFIC, and one of your racers crashes, if you don't show his broken, bleeding body hanging out the window, then you are being dishonest, and you're cheating the audience. You are editing out Life so you can get a PG-13 rating, and thus (so they say) sell more tickets, all of them to males ages 13-17. Who now see illegal street racing without consequences.
I'm not trying to be conservative about this, I'm just saying that I'm a fucking adult, and if cars are going to speed at 80 miles an hour through busy LA streets, and if there's a crash, I want severed limbs and fireballs. I don't want a dented fender and a quick cutaway just because the producers want to sell tickets to a kid who was three years old when the first movie came out.
Some of the CG is questionable, this movie needed more nekkid women in it. I was entertained enough that I did not feel the need to shout out at the television. The story kept moving, there was more than just One Good Guy and One Bad Guy. I can recommend this. Even the ending left it open to another movie...
.... another movie that comes out next month.
With the Rock.
Vin Diesel vs. The Rock.
Fuck you, Hollywood.
Take my money.
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